God's Gifts Are Irrevocable

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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Two weeks ago, I went to our former home parish for the last time. I attended Mass with our eldest, Jamal. We didn’t say goodbye to anyone afterward. (We have two parishes that we belonged to on that side of town; we know far less people at this parish than at the other. Plus, everyone was masked.)

It was the first church we walked into when we moved to Arizona. This parish has many, many strengths, especially the music! And while we didn't form a strong sense of community, there was a gift in being able to slip into a pew unnoticed from week to week. There was space to receive. As Jamal and I left, I felt deep gratitude for how the Lord filled us since we first arrived.

The word that stood out to me was from Romans 11:29, “The gifts and call of God are irrevocable.”

The two weeks since then have been a blur. We moved out of our rental house and into a home of our own (about an hour away)! We started our kids in virtual school, and we have prepared them to return to school in person next week. I also realized and admitted that my live concert events are not likely to return at all this year, and perhaps not until next fall.

All the while, the Lord has been painting a new picture for me of the gift of faith. I’ve been realizing, as I shared in my previous Word for the Week entry, that I must not place my worth in my faith. Although faith is the means that the Lord provides to trust in Him, it’s his love that defines my worthiness.

As we transition in many ways as a family, it seems the Lord is allowing me to absorb this new knowledge. Last week, humorously enough, I didn’t really have a Word for the Week. I “sort of” had home church (meaning, I reviewed the weekend readings from my house), but it wasn’t a transfigured moment of faith.

So the Word for the Week from two weeks ago has continued to ring in my heart. “The gifts and the call of God are irrevocable.” The Word has assured me that the gift of faith is still in my soul, strong and available when I need it. In that knowledge, I feel compelled to rest in God’s love. To lay my head on my husband’s chest, to draw our children into an embrace, and to simply feel God’s love for us.

There will be other days to work hard in faith. There will be storms to weather and battles to fight. But this week, today, right now, my soul gets to rest. If He’s calling me to rest, then I won’t lose out on any of the gifts He’s given me. Not the gift of community, or faith, or music, or anything else.

It’s good.

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Kim Moline
Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Sara Chacon
Kelly Wesaw
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive exclusive rewards, signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

What Good is Faith if...

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

---

Last week, I went to Mass with Jamal, our 9-year-old son. There was a particularly beautiful moment right after we received Communion. I walked back to the piano as Jamal returned to the front pew. In his black hooded sweatshirt and his black face mask, he looked like a little ninja. After he dropped to his knees and placed his folded hands on the pew ahead of him, he looked over at me.

When our eyes met, all I could see of Jamal’s face were his raised cheeks and squinted eyes. It was enough to make evident the beaming smile behind his mask. I’m hanging onto that look as I reflect on my word for the week. 

The word that stood out to me in Mass last Sunday was “rending.” Like how a great wind was rending (pummeling) the mountain in the first reading. Through the course of this week, I’ve asked the Lord what he wanted me to do about the word. It seemed evident that I needed to listen quietly. I needed to wait for the “tiny, whispering sound” that follows the storm.

So I listened. And the things I heard have been unexpected. What I’m learning through prayer, is that I put too much stock in my faith. 

Every gift is from God, including faith. And yet, I try to hold my other gifts like joyfulness, writing, etc. with a loose grip. Music? Great. No music? Great. “Whatever God wants,” I can say with ease of other gifts. But when it comes to faith? That’s a different story.

When the whispering sound of God’s voice is so distinct that it’s obvious. When I’m too weak or too tired to keep being strong. When my prayers finally materialize. When I have only to receive. When the encounter with God’s love doesn’t call for my gift of faith anymore, because the love is so tangible. In those moments I tend to freak out.

I try not to stay. I change the subject. I move onto the next hard thing. And if I must stay still, my brain gets sluggish (we’ve literally measured the brainwaves). I feel embarrassed, ashamed, unworthy. I make up terrible things about myself to confirm my fear. I look for problems to tarnish the purity of the moment.

Where is this coming from? Where did the lie begin that I'm only worthy of love because of my faith? I’m starting to uncover the answers, and they’re not fun. Yet, I believe the Lord showed me these problems in order to heal me. He’s speaking gently to me even as I confront my discomfort. Faith in the face of the impossible is something I’m really comfortable with.

So I’m hanging onto the way my son looked at me in Mass. It’s the same look that David gives me. It’s unconditional acceptance. It’s a glimpse of the love that has always been there for me, even when I argue, deny, or run away. For the first time, I’m understanding this phrase I’ve heard so many times: “if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.” For anyone who might relate with what I’m describing, I’ll invite you into the question that I’m asking myself: What good is faith if I won’t accept God’s love?

___

Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Kim Moline
Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Sara Chacon
Kelly Wesaw
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive exclusive rewards, signup at amandavernon.com/patron.