Bad Timing

During the month of October, I am running a Kickstarter funding campaign to produce my fifth album, “Interior Gaze."  Over the course of this month, I am going to share the stories and lyrics from each of the 10 tracks for the CD (in alphabetical order.)  Towards the end of the campaign, will I re-cap the entire project, and explain how the "Theology of the Body" inspired each one.   

Here is the background story of song #1: “Bad Timing.” 

Music is the language of the soul.  I am trying to speak that language from my heart like never before, and I hope you catch a glimpse of my inner life through these songs.  I certainly want to share the joy and confidence I find through my faith in God.  At the same time, I want to be real about the struggle that comes from wrestling with my own ego.

The biggest downfall of my personal character is pride, the failure to see myself as I truly am.  I’m working and praying on it.  The remedy?  Honesty about both my strengths and weaknesses.  Writing about my failures is not the easiest, but I find encouragement in these words, “I will gladly boast in my weakness...when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:9

This song comes from years of feeling unrequited affection toward someone, then firmly moving on, and only then learning he felt the same towards me all along.  One of my favorite quotes is from an author named Josh Harris.  Speaking about relationships, he said, “The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.”  That seems to sum up this particular relationship.  

Today, happily married to someone else, I am at peace about the way this went down.  I could not have imagined a better outcome.  However, the feelings of hurt and confusion and incredulousness are still fresh on my heart when I think back on the ordeal.  So, this is me writing from that place of simple irony.  
To read the lyrics, visit the updates section of my Kickstarter webpage by clicking here.  Would you like to hear the song in a studio recording?  Consider backing my project by making a pledge, and please join me in praying for success in this campaign. 

More "Interior Gaze" story lines & lyrics coming soon.
Peace, 

Amanda 

Singing a New Song

Here are the titles of the 10 original songs for my new recording project, "Interior Gaze," in alphabetical order: 

Bad Timing
Cleaning and Scrubbing
In Real Life  
Interior Gaze
I Shall Not Be Moved
Must Be Nice
Overanalyze
Seventy-six
Unveiled
When the Wine Runs Out

Watch my blog throughout the month for the lyrics and background story of each new song!

I'm. so. excited.

Amanda. 

You Don't Know You're Beautiful?

 

Have you heard that new song by “One Direction?”  I like to belt it out when I’m washing dishes, driving the car, playing with our kids...you get the picture.  It’s catchy!  The lyrics make a great pop song; however, I am not sure they are completely true:

“You don’t know,
Oh, oh
You don’t know you’re beautiful!
Oh, oh, oh,
That’s what makes you beautiful!”

The ignorance of her beauty makes her beautiful?  I guess my feelings about “beauty” are deepening lately, thanks to my first-born daughter, Chiara.  Her name is Italian (pronounced Kiara) for “light.”  She certainly brings rays of sunshine into our life.  When I cradle her in my arms and watch her gently fall asleep, I am convinced true beauty originates somewhere powerful and mysterious.  I hope Chiara learns to celebrate her gift of beauty every day.    

Every woman is beautiful.  Woman is the crown of creation, the finishing touch from the Designer of the Universe.  One of my favorite authors, Christopher West, talks about how some people have a particular gift of beauty.  Chiara is in that category.  Yes, as her mother, I am biased.  But either way, she is entrusted with beauty simply by being a little woman.  “Beauty is an invitation to savor life and dream of the future,” said Blessed John Paul II in his Letter to Artists.  Chiara, and every woman, has a unique capacity to offer this invitation to the world.  What a glorious mission, if we choose to accept it.

When a woman does not recognize her beauty as a gift from God, she often falls for one of two extremes lies:

 1. “I am not beautiful.”  This leads to insecurity (like the girl in the One Direction song).

 2. “My beauty is my own, to do with as I wish.”  Cue arrogance and manipulation.

My natural tendency is to fall for the second lie.  It is not a pretty fall, let me tell you.  Standing in the truth is an ongoing challenge.  I am fighting this battle now not only for myself, but also for my daughter.  I know Chiara will need help to stand up against these lies, too.  Thankfully, the virtue of modesty is a huge aid in rightly acknowledging the gift of feminine beauty.

I grew up attending religious events where I heard about helping the boys not to lust by dressing modestly.  I was unenthused.  I wanted boys to notice me, after all!  Finally, one youth leader pointed out that women tend to think holistically, while men tend to think about parts.  If my clothing drew lots of attention to certain “parts,” it would basically cry out to the guys around me, “Look here, I’m a part!”  That seemed to counteract my wish to be noticed.  I wanted guys to see me as beautiful, not just a collection of fascinating body parts.  I learned that modesty affirms my entire femininity (heart, mind, and body), and that it can lead those around me to do the same.  

With this newfound revelation, at age fifteen, I started praying daily for the virtue of modesty.  A few years later, I went to Missouri to sing and speak at a Pure Fashion Show for young girls.  After my performance, one of the fathers told me this definition of modesty,  “Knowing what to share and what to keep hidden.”  Although I have fallen short many times, this virtue constantly challenges me to stand with dignity.  It guides my decisions about how to dress, and how to interact with other people.  I look forward to sharing this journey of discovery with my daughter, when the time is right.

For now, a major highlight of having a baby girl is wearing matching outfits.  Some day, she will probably want to stop matching with me.  When that day comes, we will simply have to coordinate colors.  You know, match with style.  (I’m joking, mostly.)  But seriously, by the time Chiara learns to take care of her own appearance, I hope she knows her beauty is a gift from God.  Today’s catchy pop tunes might be long gone by then.  However, these words will never go out of fashion:

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord
And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior...
the Almighty has done great things for me.
Holy is his name.” -Luke 1:46-47, 49

Acknowledging the gift of God within herself, while giving all the accolades back to the Giver, the young virgin from Nazareth set the world on fire.  I hope my daughter confidently sings that song throughout her life.  I hope Chiara, our little ray of light, never stops shining.  I hope she knows she’s beautiful.    

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 I originally wrote this article for a new website called "The You Are Loved Campaign."  Please check out the blog when you have a moment for inspiring images and words of incouragement. 

Birthday Blessings in Disguise

This is a week of celebration.  It began with Labor Day weekend, followed by my in-laws' wedding anniversary, my mom’s 50th birthday, my 3rd wedding anniversary, and last but not least, my 25th birthday, today!  In the midst of these milestones, my husband and I are facing financial challenges, and I am also mourning the recent loss of my Grandma Rose.  This week seemed daunting, until a message from my friend Katie helped put things into perspective.

While I love being an independent musician, the job does not guarantee a steady paycheck.  My husband is also self-employed, between managing my music career and working as a licensed insurance agent.  We love building our schedules around our family.  However, when I take extended time off, as I did during my maternity leave this summer, our income is unpredictable.  Given our current situation, we were not able to travel the eight hours up north for my grandmother’s recent funeral.  

Rose Marie Lundell was a beautiful woman of Italian descent, with warmth in her smile and kindness in her voice.  She married my mother’s father after he became a widower, nearly 25 years ago.  I always regarded her as my Grandma Rose, and she always treated me with love and tenderness.  She consistently reminded me to dwell on the good: from sharing fond memories of growing up in northern Michigan, to singing me her favorite songs, and commenting, whenever I felt sad as a child, “It will get better before you get married!”  

So there I was last week, missing my grandma and feeling sad that I could not attend her funeral.  I was also pouting because I knew my husband and I would not be able to go out for dinner for our anniversary or my birthday.  On top of that, I had limited resources to plan anything for my mom’s 50th birthday.  Just then, I saw a Facebook message from my friend Katie.  Seeing her profile picture brought back dear memories.

I sang for Katie and Alex’s marriage this summer.  On their wedding day, the pure joy in their eyes was unmistakable.  Throughout their engagement, Alex served in the U.S. Army, being deploying in Afghanistan for many months at a time.  Years of waiting and praying led to an abundance of relief and gratitude to finally be married.  Now, shortly after their honeymoon, Katie has returned to graduate school in Indiana, while Alex is stationed on an Army base in New York.   

Katie shared that although it is harder than ever to be apart, getting married was the best thing that ever happened to her.  She wrote how she had heard the song, “Blessings” by Laura Story recently and thought of me.  I found the song on YouTube.  A beautiful voice sang about how God always gives us what is best, even when the outcome brings sadness at first.  It was comforting to hear that message and to think of Katie and Alex’s joy in walking together down the straight, narrow road of love and service.   

Today, I feel peace mixed with sadness.  I have enjoyed a week of celebration with my family, filled with those simple joys that money cannot buy.  This is the first birthday I can remember when I will not hear Grandma Rose singing, “Happy Birthday, dear Amanda.”  I like to think she is singing to me from heaven today, this time with a choir of angels.   

Love, 

Amanda

Surprise!

Hello and happy summertime!  

Our daughter Chiara was born this spring.  She has soft, tan-colored skin, with princess-pink rosy cheeks and deep blue eyes.  Her little smile is contagious, and she is learning to laugh.  Peacefulness is one of her particular gifts.  It is amazing how one little baby has brought so much beauty to our home.  Having two babies under the age of two now feels remarkably fun and natural.   

After Chiara’s birth I took a few months off from performing and traveling to be at home with her and our son, Jamal.  It was simply glorious and peaceful.  During my downtime, my desire to continue with music grew stronger than ever.  Watching new life blossom around me awakens my artistic sensibilities and urges me to share this beauty in song.  So now I am back to the balancing act of musician/mom.  

It is difficult to describe my joy right now.  I was talking with my eleven-year-old sister Veronica the other day, and I told her I feel surprised by how happy I am.  She asked, “Why?”  When I explained how I am amazed to have such a great little family while still being able to do the other things I love, she summed it up nicely, “So you thought that if you had kids, it would ruin your life?”  Laughing, I admitted she was right.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I suspected I would have to trade everything else to be a wife and a mom.  I was willing to give up running, watching the Green Bay Packers, traveling, date nights, friends, shopping, quiet time, wearing makeup, and even making music if that was the price of having my own family.  Little did I know, by loving my husband and kids I would find an even deeper gratitude and appreciation for everything and everyone else.  

I am back to work now and my performance calendar is filling up again.  I am also working on songs for a new recording project called, Interior Gaze.  “Like” me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter to keep up to date on my upcoming shows and projects.  In the meantime, I will be reading storybooks, singing lullabies, changing (many) diapers, and loving it.  What a great surprise!

Peace,

Amanda