I Was His Delight

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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Last Sunday, I was home with our family in Arizona. We’ve been undecided between two parishes in the area since we moved to our new home. (David has his vote, the four kids are split, and I can’t decide!)

We attended at the bigger of the two parishes. It’s a stunning Southwestern, mission-style church. The word that stood out to me was from the first reading. It describes God’s wisdom going out before the Lord during the creation of the world. “I was his delight day by day.” (Proverbs 8:30)

The idea that the same Spirit of delight also moves in us, that was so hopeful.

When I asked the Lord what to do about the word this week, I felt compelled to make some significant life changes. Namely, I’m being inspired to be honest with myself and others about my eating disorder. Although this illness only came to light 6 weeks ago, it’s time to make significant adjustments in order to recover.

This week, I felt the Holy Spirit inspire me to:
-Follow the advice of my nutritionist by eating “consistent, adequate food” every day.
-Research rehab centers.
-Take a year off from promoting my brand (no new tours or new content for social media).
-Focus my attention on recovery and on stabilizing our family life.

These are steps I wouldn’t be able to think of, much less act upon, without the Holy Spirit. I’m experiencing shame, guilt, and embarrassment for how my under-eating has hurt myself and those I love. Yet at the same time, I sense the delight of the Lord within me, too. It’s like the Wisdom of God is calling me to receive a blessing instead of a curse.

Some blessings so far are:
-Discovering some comfort in eating until I’m satisfied.
-A major improvement in my physical health.
-More enjoyment of exercise and movement.
-Being mentally and physically stable while spending time with our kids.
-David’s relief that I’m being more honest about my limitations.

Maybe the Holy Spirit is calling you to make some decisions that are, likewise, not what you might instinctively want or expect at this point. After all, God continues to lead us “from glory to glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18). Whatever choices we face today, will you pray with me for guidance? From the Book of Wisdom, Chapter 9:

“Now with you is Wisdom, who knows your works and was present when you made the world; who understands what is pleasing in your eyes and what is conformable with your command. Send her forth from your holy heavens and from your glorious throne dispatch her that she may be with me and work with me, that I may know what is your pleasure. For she knows and understands all things, and will guide me discreetly in my affairs and safeguard me by her glory.”

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