"I Shall Not See Happiness Again" (Umm?!)

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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Hello and a heads up!

This is quite a dramatic entry! But the Word of God was particularly dramatic this Sunday, so I hope it’s fitting! Here we go.

Two weeks ago, the Word that stood out was, “God arose.” The Mass was in a beautiful parish with my family. Although everyone wore face coverings and half of the pews were sectioned off for social distancing, the congregation seemed full and vibrant. The word was so meaningful to the events of the ensuing week, and it certainly shined a light on my Word for this week, too!

“God arose.” (I think it was from one of the Eucharistic prayers, rather than from the Liturgy of the Word.)

At first, the message seemed like a reminder that when I communicate with anyone, it’s Christ who speaks through me! And then we received some very concerning news from our accountant. Without getting into the details, our financials are potentially in a far different place than we expected, and not in our favor!

That Word was right there, in my heart, ready and waiting: “God arose!” I remember time and again since last March: when it seemed like things were falling apart, when we couldn't imagine how we would continue to feed the kids, “God arose.” The Lord allowed goodness to come from confusing intersections. He saw us through each and every time.

I also had the sense last week that I needed to be grateful for the discomfort of uncertainty. That discomfort has been present in a number of levels over the past couple of weeks. (In regards to the tax dilemma, but also about some health issues, as well.)

One helpful quote has been from St. Peter Damian: “The best penance is to have patience with the sorrows God permits.”

It seemed like the Lord was trying to teach me something through this quote, in connection to how He arises in my time of need. Then, this past Sunday, my word for the week confirmed it! 

First of all, my family attended an evening Mass. It was held in a gym. Four-year-old Serra was restless throughout (think, “I need some water!” and then as soon as we get back to our seats, “I need to go to the bathroom!”).  There were no other readers besides the priest, and no music. This is the word that stood out: “I shall not see happiness again.”

Guess which book of the Bible that line is from? Yes: Job. I shook my head and chuckled a bit at the depressive tone.

But as I’ve been sitting with that word this week, I’ve grown in gratitude for any current uncertainty and suffering. Certainly, it’s not all suffering, by any means. My joy is still very much intact. Most things are going phenomenally well in our family. And yet: the Lord is allowing me to feel moments of despair. Why is that a gift?

It’s a gift because sometime in the future, I’ll be able to look back at this moment, and see the hand of God there to comfort and protect me. The Lord is keeping me close. He’s teaching me lessons I couldn't learn without these moments of unrest. 

To anyone else going through some disorienting feelings, or even feelings of hopelessness: God is with us in our suffering. Even Jesus sweat blood and wept in agony. We’re not alone. And while that might not give us instant happiness, we can trust that this moment is not the end of the story.

Good Friday is never the end. Happiness, indeed, is on the horizon. God always arises.

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