A Little Bit

When I started writing this WFW entry, I was at a beautiful hotel lobby in the Midwest. It was a wonderful and rare trip for me as we entered the final months of sabbatical.

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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Hope you're having a wonderful Easter Season! We're looking back to Easter morning for this Word for the Week.

On Easter Sunday, David and I brought our three daughters to a morning Mass at our parish. (Our son, Jamal, attended his first Easter Vigil the night before.) We even arrived early enough to find a place to sit! The reading that stood out to me taught me a lot the ensuing week.

From the second reading, 1 Corinthians 5:6, "...a little yeast leavens all the dough." 

I didn't understand what the yeast refered to, at first. I thought it sounded positive, akin to lyrics I penned, "A little bit goes a long way, a little joy can change somebody's day." Not to mention, leavened bread sounds great, yum!

That week, I was inspired to research the passage. I found several commentaries that indicated in this case leaven is a negative thing. Apparently, the Apostle Paul was extolling unleavened bread in his letter to the Corinthians!

In the analogy, leaven leads away from the goal—pulls us away from what God is calling us to be.

Unwittingly, I became very attentive to small actions the week following Easter Sunday, or the octave of Easter. Seemingly small reactions seemed to call for serious attention. I was able to identify when I was acting out of traumatic memories from the past, versus responding genuinely to the present moment.

One huge part of my current recovery journey (healing from disordered eating) is learning to trust others. That requires trust even in the small things. Which means distrust in the small things is displaced and needs to go.

The goal is to eliminate the "yeast" altogether.

This message feels negative to me, initially. It's about subtraction. But as I go back to the reading, I'm filled with great trust that the Lord also wants to supply something much better.

To quote Bishop Barron, "The first (Baptismal) promise is negative in form, which is only natural, for to set one's face is necessarily to set one's back." - wordonfire.org

I love those words. To set one's face is to set one's back.

It reminds me of the widow who gave the last of her food to the prophet Elijah, even in the midst of a famine. She emptied her jar. She turned her back on her own plan. And then her jar became filled, as she turned her face to God's plan.

Let’s pray?

Lord, sometimes giving up our own plans or even our own habits feels scary and unfamiliar. Please give us strength to let go of the unhelpful yeast, even in the small ways, so we can become what you're calling us to be.

Help us turn our back to whatever keeps us from you, and let the light of your face shine upon us.

Amen. 

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

Too Blessed to Stress (or not)

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

Four Sundays ago, we went to Mass during the morning because the Super Bowl was going to be played in the evening. A children’s choir led the music. It was beautiful and so moving to hear their voices! The entire congregation seemed exceptionally lively. Laughter rang out heartily at every joke (of which there were many) from our associate pastor. Not to mention, there was an entire contingent of Kansas City Chiefs fans who were in Phoenix for the big game that night.

A singular word stood out to me from the readings: blessed. It was from Psalm 119, “Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord.”

The ensuing week was full of particularly fun activities. It started with a run on Monday, after I dropped off our van for an auto repair. There’s something so fun about A.) having the repair shop so close, and B.) having the resources to fix our family vehicle, and C.) being able to run home from the shop.

The next day was Valentine’s Day! Then, on Wednesday, a close friend flew into Phoenix to visit us. The visit included hiking, burritos, pasties (a family-favorite dish of mine), driving north to “high country” to find snow. After our friend flew back home, I had a women’s fellowship group on Friday night, and Saturday morning was our son Jamal’s flag football game.

And yet, I felt bored all week, with virtually every experience. My body felt tense, antsy. Thoughts were often, “This is my life and it’s just not exciting.”

In light of my Word for the Week, I remembered, “These are blessings.” The week was objectively filled with lovely things and people. So why was I feeling so disconnected from the reality of the blessing?!

That Friday night, I sat in a candlelit church before my women's study began. I prayed for Our Mother’s intercession. Providentially, the study was about Mary, her feminine genius, and her queenship. One of the discussion questions was, 

“What’s the most mundane task your work (whether inside or outside the home) currently demands of you? How can you invite God into that task and allow it to become part of your sanctification?” -Endow Study Guide to John Paul II’s Letter Addressing Women

On the hour-long drive home from the group, I listened to a podcast. It happened to be an interview with a former touring artist. After 10 years on the road, he realized he wanted to have a “normal life,” and a community with whom to share it. I was moved to tears. It was relatable. Plus, he still got to accomplish his dream of working in the arts, even after he stopped touring!

What was God trying to say to me?

Upon returning home, I brushed my teeth. Meanwhile, a few important things dawned on me:

1. Brushing teeth is the most mundane task I do.

2. I love brushing my teeth. It’s not boring, even though it’s mundane.

3. Comfort! The experience I was responding to in each “boring” situation that week, was actually that of comfort. The blessing of this situation seemed to rain down on me.

My life is filled with comfort right now. Paradoxically, it’s been a time of spiritual desolation. But physically, emotionally, and intellectually, I’ve been surrounded by comfort. Through my Word for the Week, the Lord convicted me that it’s time to embrace the blessing of that comfort.

In closing, let’s reflect a moment on the parable of the snake and the loaf of bread. A wise friend drew my attention to these verses recently:

“Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.” Matthew 7:9-11

My wise friend reminded me, some of us have sadly learned something the opposite: we asked for comfort (maybe food, maybe some other need) and instead we received something that did not meet our needs, or maybe even something that hurt us. Perhaps it wasn’t a snake instead of bread, but what happened taught us not to trust, or to simply not ask anymore.

Maybe someday in the future, someone will relate precisely with seeking comfort and finding danger, instead. Maybe someone else who is reading has also experienced the feeling of being bored even when the best things are happening. For those who haven’t had these experiences, would you please pray for those of us who struggle to accept good things from God, in turn?

It’s truly a blessing to share the process. Thanks for being here.

Love, 

Amanda

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

To Bee or Not to Bee

Google helped me with the steps of drawing this little bee!

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

Two Sundays ago, it was great to be back in church! The prior couple of weeks, I stayed home from Mass, first because I was sick, and the next week because the kids were sick. Oftentimes, my Word for the Week comes from the first reading or the psalm, but this one was from the Gospel.

The verse that stood out to me used to be my “go-to” scripture passage, in my teens. It’s one that inspired my first recorded album, and I used to share this message with youth groups and churches across West Michigan when I first began my music ministry:

“You are the light of the world... your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father." -Matthew 5:14,16

When I asked the Lord about this word, I didn’t hear anything specific. But several things happened to help me realize that the Lord was asking me to be still.

First, David and I turned down an exciting concert event, because it was three weeks before the end of my sabbatical.

Secondly, I told my friend Paul that I feel like I'm in a perpetual “Holy Saturday” moment right now. He told me about an episode of the Bible Project podcast that applied to what I shared.

Namely, there’s this story in the Bible where the Isrealites have successfully left Egypt, and they come to the edge of the Red Sea. But then Pharaoh changes his mind and chases after them with chariots and warriors. So we see the Chosen People, with the sea on one side and God’s presence as a “pillar of fire” between them and Pharaoh. 

Moses tells the people, "The LORD will fight for you; you have only to keep still.” -Exodus 14:14

Paul shared, as he has heard on the podcast, how there was no way out. It’s not like there was a hidden path that a spy found to walk through. Rather, in a foreshadowing of the Resurrection, God made a way where there was no way.

These reflections stayed with me during the week. Then, on Friday night, I met with my women’s small group to discuss theology.

Every time we meet, we choose one word to sum up the message of our meeting. This time, the word was, “Be.” One of the discussion questions was, “Do you struggle with being versus doing?”

I found myself realizing that in this season, it’s not a struggle for me to simply be. And instead of writing the word on the white board like we normally do at the end of our meetings, I drew a picture of a bee, instead. Because it's fun!

In closing, I’ll share part of the song of victory that Miriam, Moses’ cousin, sang when God made a way out of this desperate situation for the Chosen People. He parted the Red Sea so they could walk through and then he closed the waters over their enemies.

"Sing to the LORD, for he is gloriously triumphant; horse and chariot he has cast into the sea." -Exodus 14:21

I’m not precisely sure what all of this has to do with being a light to the world. But I think the message that I can leave with you, is that sometimes in order to shine God’s light, we need only be.

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

More Than We Ask or Imagine

Lion at rest. Image by Kevin Pluck, CC BY 2.0

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

On January 1st, the Feast of Mary, Mother of God, David and the kids and I attended a late-morning Mass. The entirety of the Psalm response resonated with me: May God bless us in His mercy. -Psalm 76:2.

I notice there’s no comma in this prayer. If the phrase read, “May God bless us, in His mercy,” then the main request would be for God to bless us, and the part about mercy would be a bonus description. But because the sentence flows uninterrupted, mercy is integral to the prayer. I didn’t realize that at first. I didn’t realize what I was asking for.

Then, on Jan. 6th, I had a major revelation. It welled up from a therapy session earlier in the week. The awakening continued in my heart and mind until I talked through it with a friend at our kitchen island. In a nutshell: I have deep-seated issues with trusting other people. God is making it clear: it’s time to let go of those issues, and to trust the people He has brought into my life to support and love me.

Only later did I remember that January 6th was the Feast of Epiphany.

God is offering me much more mercy than I knew I needed. What the Lord is revealing to me is above and beyond my hopes of healing for this sabbatical. I found myself saying, “I didn’t ask for this!” because, although the mercy is beautiful, the circumstances are embarrassing and seem gratuitous.

I asked to be healed from a twisted relationship with food, not from distrust of others!

But then, I remembered that I’d been praying this Word for the Week: May God bless us in His mercy. So, even though I didn’t think I was asking for it, the Holy Spirit was praying through me, in this scripture passage. I need His mercy right now, a lot. This experience reminds me of the pattern of prayer in Daniel and the Lion’s Den.

Daniel was set up: his enemies knew he prayed daily, so they tricked the King into making a decree to ban prayer. When the plotting men found Daniel again at prayer, they implored the King to follow through on the new law. So Daniel was cast into the den of lions. I’m imagining Daniel’s faithfulness: his prayers and supplications up until that point had prepared him to pray at his greatest moment of need. Even hungry lions were no match for God’s strength through those prayers.

When we persist in prayer, we don’t know the battles and challenges that the Lord will lead us through. But we can trust that the Spirit who prays through us will surround us in His mercy, as our predecessors in faith bore witness.

In closing, I’ll invite you to read through the story of Daniel in the Lion’s Den today. What stands out to you? I’d love to know in the comments.

May God bless us in his mercy. Amen.

___

Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

The Hills Are Alive

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

Well, the end of the Advent Season is still here.

I haven’t written every week, not any of the weeks of Advent! Well, that’s not totally true. I have written, but I have not published anything. But the good news is that my health is consistently strong, and that I feel both grounded in the present and hopeful for the future.

This Advent has been all about mountains for me. So I’ll reflect on how it started, and try to tie that in with how it’s ending. Hopefully, this can also be an invitation for you to reflect on any themes that are speaking to you in your own Advent journey.

The first Sunday of Advent started with a climb. My friend Paige and I went on a quick hike on Sunday afternoon, and then David and I took the kids to Mass in the evening. “Mountain” was the word that stood out to me from the readings:

There shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain; or the earth shall be filled with knowledge of the LORD, as water covers the sea. -Isaiah 11:9

During the course of that first week, I accidentally wound up on another mountaintop!

Our family was invited to a tamale-making party. While David worked that Saturday, I drove our three daughters plus our friend Airam, to the host’s house. The GPS led south of the city, into the nearby mountains. As we climbed in altitude, the little girls were thrilled by the hills. It was drizzling, and Airam remarked, "It was raining the last time we came here, too"

I chuckled as I remembered the instance that Airam referenced. We had driven up to the mountain in the late winter of 2021, to commemorate a year anniversary since my last concert. (Remember quarantine? Yikes.) 

“Why aren’t we on the mountain anymore?” the question stirred me from my reminiscing.

“It’s harder to tell, but you can’t see the hills because we are on top of the mountain now!” I answered my daughters. A little while later, I added, “We’re almost there!”

Except, we weren’t.

Somehow, I had accidentally plugged in an entirely wrong address. Surrounded by mountaintop mansions, we were in the completely wrong spot. I apologized to Airam and the girls, called our host friend, and explained I actually needed to drive another 20 minutes in the opposite direction!

As we drove back into the valley, I shook my head and processed what just happened. “I have no idea how that address ended up in my GPS. But, my word for the week is ‘mountain!’

“You know how the girls couldn’t tell we were on the mountaintop? Well, maybe that’s similar to what is going on in my life right now. I’ve been feeling really restless and antsy on sabbatical. Kind of like how I was the last time we came up here! Back then, it felt like I would never give another concert again. But I was able to resume shortly afterward.

“And now, I feel something similar. Maybe, in the same way that the girls were surprised by everything on the mountaintop, I’m surprised by where I am now. And it’s actually way closer than I think to where I want to be!”

Airam’s a great listener and doesn’t mind letting silence speak. 

“But, we’ve gotta go back down the mountain now, I suppose,” I added after a while. 

With a grin, Airam summed up, “It was just a glimpse.”

So, we returned to the valley, learned how to make tamales, and carried about our Advent season. I still felt super antsy, but I also had that vision of the mountain in mind as a consolation.

And somehow, now, the day before Christmas Eve (when this was written), I feel totally well. I’m dreaming again. I’m getting back to the fitness routines that I love. I’m mystified as I am learning to thoroughly enjoy food.

In the end, I’m reminded of when Abraham went up a mountain with his son. Maybe God calls us to a willingness to surrender what we hold dear, to purify our hearts and to give us an even greater love. And like how the angel of the Lord pointed out a different sacrifice for Abraham to offer, God will allow us to make an even greater & better sacrifice than we imagined.

Is there anything that the Lord is asking you to give back to Him today? Like Abraham, let’s invite God’s holy angels* to accompany us and to point out where the Lord is speaking to us today. As we hear the Christmas proclamation, may the angels bring us glad tidings of great joy anew. Let’s pray?

Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day, be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.

Amen

P.S. It turns out the mountain address was for another church friend! I mixed up the addresses for two separate gatherings. So, indeed, I went back up the mountain on the third Sunday of Advent. Joy!

*Airam is the angelic figure in my little story, above.

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.