Wait for the Lord

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

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It's been a while since I've written an entry. Probably, it's been since before my father-in-law passed away. And then we lost four other members of our family/friends. Five losses in five weeks.

And here we are, in Advent. The season of waiting. I'm waiting to process all of this loss. I'm waiting to find a new semblance of normal.

On the first Sunday of Advent, I found myself in Ohio. The word that stood out was from the first reading, from the Book of Isaiah, "...wait for him."

Over the course of this week, the wait has felt long. In particular, I've been waiting to see how current ministry endeavors will bear fruit. And more pressingly, I've been waiting for God to make a way in my communication with David.

We have both been through many changes in the past year, and our marriage seems to be bearing the weight of much transition.

As I write this entry, I'm looking back to the passages leading up to this Word for the Week:

Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down, with the mountains quaking before you, while you wrought awesome deeds we could not hope for, such as they had not heard of from of old. No ear has ever heard, no eye ever seen, any God but you doing such deeds for those who wait for him.

And although it's from a different liturgical season, I'm remembering the Gospel story when Jesus sent his disciples to prepare the Upper Room for the Last Supper.

He gave them such specific instructions. He told them where to find a donkey for him to ride into Jerusalem, who to meet with along the way, and every bit of it brought the ancient prophesies to fulfillment.

Maybe in our lives we are praying, like the scripture from Isaiah, "Oh...that you would come down." And yet, Jesus comes to us in the fullness of time (Galatians 4:4).

The details were not outside of God's Providence on the day of Christ's birth, nor during his Passion. And neither are the details of our lives separate from the will of God for us.

I'll end with a quote I shared at my Ohio concert last week. I hope you find comfort in these words, as I have, in this Season of Waiting:

"A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us." -Henri Nouwen

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski

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Fidelity (Not the Insurance Kind)

A sign above my friends' kitchen sink. Reminds me of how fidelity is often expressed in our household. (Yes, through cleaning!)

(Originally written on 7-29-2023)

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

We were at our home parish last Sunday, for the first time in over a month. The celebrant was our newly-ordained Fr. Andrew, whose ordination Jamal and I attended this spring. The word that stood out to me was "fidelity."

I think the word was proclaimed as part of the psalm response. And for some reason, I'm picturing this word in green letters right now. I think there's an insurance company with that same title, right?

The simplest dictionary definition I could find for fidelity is: loyalty.

As I asked the Lord this week, what to do about this word, the sense I received was to watch. Particularly, to watch for the fruits of fidelity.

I didn't love the word "loyalty" in the past. I should say, in the past, loyalty sounded really boring. And for ongoing commitments (like marriage, as a prime example), I liked to think of it as a fresh decision to renew every day.

But this past year, I learned that fidelity can be smooth, uncomplicated, and comfortable when it's not a decision that needs to be made again and again.

Maybe it's both/and. We choose again, and also once we have chosen, we can rest in the mold that the Lord has shaped for us.

It makes me imagine two oxen, yoked together. Like Matthew 20:30, "For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." Perhaps fidelity has seemed unattractive to you, too.

Maybe it's unlovely when we’re resisting it. Pulling against something that's strapped to our shoulders seems like it would hurt. But when we accept it as a gift from the Lord, maybe there's naturally an ease to it.

Let's pray?

Lord, please grant us fidelity to what you're calling us to. In the hidden aspect of fidelity that is unlovely to us, please meet us and let us experience your yoke as easy, this burden as light. We ask this in Jesus' name, Amen.

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

Kinda Like Purgatory

Breakfast of "Eggs in Purgatory." Thanks to our friend Paul Fahey for recommending traditions to commemorate Harrowing of Hell.

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

A few Sundays back, we attended our first Melkite liturgy! The different customs felt new and yet familiar. There was a deep sense for me of connection with our family lineage, and the word that stood out corresponded with that feeling.

David's family is originally from Damascus, the place where the Christian community grew exponentially through the conversion of St. Paul! The faith community in Damascus has been following Jesus since the very beginning of the church.

The tradition of David's family was originally Eastern Catholic, yet in union with the Pope in Rome. In comparison to our typical Roman Rite Mass, this liturgy was very long for our kids! Plus, it was almost entirely sung, in three languages (English, Aramaic, and Arabic).

Of the few scriptures proclaimed in English, a line from the Acts of the Apostles stood out:

So they said, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Acts 16:31

Right now, I'm feeling so grateful as I think about how David's family has passed on the Catholic faith for so very many generations. David's faith is an immense blessing, and it's amazing how integral that gift is in him.

Throughout the week following the Divine Liturgy at the Melkite church, I also leaned back on the Word for the Week, as two of our daughters came down with an illness. The onset of the illness was really alarming!

Our 11-yr-old daughter knocked on my bedroom door the following Monday morning, to tell me she wasn't feeling well. Then she started speaking in a confused manner, and her head hit against the wall. A few moments later, her limbs stiffened and she collapsed!

Thankfully, I was able to catch her fall and lower her to the carpeted floor. Later, as I researched what might have caused this seizure, at first I thought it was heat stroke.

All of the symptoms matched what I found online. She had a high fever, and we had been out in a pool and the sunshine for hours that Sunday after church. I thought surely the symptoms would subside within a day.

But by the following morning, her fever was dangerously high. After a bit more research, I came upon some severe warnings such as: "Heat stroke is very serious; it may be deadly"

As I prepared to bring her to urgent care, I remembered my Word for the Week. That, through faith in Jesus, my family and I would "be saved." And I felt a deep peace in my heart that she was going to be okay.

Sure enough, once we saw the doctor, they confirmed the symptoms were due to the flu. We were able to manage her health at home, and she was back to normal (as normal as an 11-yr-old artist can get) in a few days.

I'm grateful that the word from Acts brought such comfort to a situation that was pretty scary at first. It's amazing to see how God's word is always effective, regardless of the moment or the season.

This last Easter season was a beautiful one for me. But in some ways I felt like I was in a perpetual "Holy Saturday" since the beginning of this calendar year.

Now that Pentecost is upon us, I'm realizing... Holy Saturday is one of the most wonderful moments of the liturgical calendar. Perhaps you've heard it called by its other name, the "Harrowing of Hell." I'm learning lately that it's more than a day of stillness and waiting. It's also the moment when Jesus brings healing, carrying out the plan of salvation, in the "underground," so to speak. That makes me grin.

I'd like to conclude this entry with an excerpt from one of the most beautiful and moving homilies. This year, during Triduum, some friends and I celebrated Holy Saturday in their garden, with a meal called "Eggs in Purgatory," and morning prayer, and the proclamation of this homily.

As we recommence ordinary time, maybe you've also experienced lingering effects of "Holy Saturday," even though the resurrection is here. On the one hand, it does seem kinda like purgatory. On the other hand, we're in good company because something similar happened to the apostles, too. They couldn't fully enter into the gifts of the resurrection until the Holy Spirit fell upon them.

So whether you're receiving consolations of Pentecost, or whether the gifts of the Spirit are taking a while to become visible, I'll invite you to linger in some Holy Saturday sentiments a little longer.

It's actually pretty beautiful, after all.

Excerpt from "An Ancient Homily for Holy Saturday."

I command you:
Awake, sleeper, I have not made you to be held a prisoner in the underworld.
Arise from the dead; I am the life of the dead.
Arise, O man, work of my hands, arise, you who were fashioned in my image.
Rise, let us go hence; for you in me and I in you, together we are one undivided person. ...
The cherubim throne has been prepared, the bearers are ready and waiting,
The bridal chamber is in order,
The food is provided,
The everlasting houses and rooms are in readiness;
The treasures of good things have been opened;
The kingdom of heaven has been prepared before the ages.

Amen.

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

Too Blessed to Stress (or not)

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

Four Sundays ago, we went to Mass during the morning because the Super Bowl was going to be played in the evening. A children’s choir led the music. It was beautiful and so moving to hear their voices! The entire congregation seemed exceptionally lively. Laughter rang out heartily at every joke (of which there were many) from our associate pastor. Not to mention, there was an entire contingent of Kansas City Chiefs fans who were in Phoenix for the big game that night.

A singular word stood out to me from the readings: blessed. It was from Psalm 119, “Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord.”

The ensuing week was full of particularly fun activities. It started with a run on Monday, after I dropped off our van for an auto repair. There’s something so fun about A.) having the repair shop so close, and B.) having the resources to fix our family vehicle, and C.) being able to run home from the shop.

The next day was Valentine’s Day! Then, on Wednesday, a close friend flew into Phoenix to visit us. The visit included hiking, burritos, pasties (a family-favorite dish of mine), driving north to “high country” to find snow. After our friend flew back home, I had a women’s fellowship group on Friday night, and Saturday morning was our son Jamal’s flag football game.

And yet, I felt bored all week, with virtually every experience. My body felt tense, antsy. Thoughts were often, “This is my life and it’s just not exciting.”

In light of my Word for the Week, I remembered, “These are blessings.” The week was objectively filled with lovely things and people. So why was I feeling so disconnected from the reality of the blessing?!

That Friday night, I sat in a candlelit church before my women's study began. I prayed for Our Mother’s intercession. Providentially, the study was about Mary, her feminine genius, and her queenship. One of the discussion questions was, 

“What’s the most mundane task your work (whether inside or outside the home) currently demands of you? How can you invite God into that task and allow it to become part of your sanctification?” -Endow Study Guide to John Paul II’s Letter Addressing Women

On the hour-long drive home from the group, I listened to a podcast. It happened to be an interview with a former touring artist. After 10 years on the road, he realized he wanted to have a “normal life,” and a community with whom to share it. I was moved to tears. It was relatable. Plus, he still got to accomplish his dream of working in the arts, even after he stopped touring!

What was God trying to say to me?

Upon returning home, I brushed my teeth. Meanwhile, a few important things dawned on me:

1. Brushing teeth is the most mundane task I do.

2. I love brushing my teeth. It’s not boring, even though it’s mundane.

3. Comfort! The experience I was responding to in each “boring” situation that week, was actually that of comfort. The blessing of this situation seemed to rain down on me.

My life is filled with comfort right now. Paradoxically, it’s been a time of spiritual desolation. But physically, emotionally, and intellectually, I’ve been surrounded by comfort. Through my Word for the Week, the Lord convicted me that it’s time to embrace the blessing of that comfort.

In closing, let’s reflect a moment on the parable of the snake and the loaf of bread. A wise friend drew my attention to these verses recently:

“Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.” Matthew 7:9-11

My wise friend reminded me, some of us have sadly learned something the opposite: we asked for comfort (maybe food, maybe some other need) and instead we received something that did not meet our needs, or maybe even something that hurt us. Perhaps it wasn’t a snake instead of bread, but what happened taught us not to trust, or to simply not ask anymore.

Maybe someday in the future, someone will relate precisely with seeking comfort and finding danger, instead. Maybe someone else who is reading has also experienced the feeling of being bored even when the best things are happening. For those who haven’t had these experiences, would you please pray for those of us who struggle to accept good things from God, in turn?

It’s truly a blessing to share the process. Thanks for being here.

Love, 

Amanda

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.

To Bee or Not to Bee

Google helped me with the steps of drawing this little bee!

Welcome to Word for the Week, the series in which I:

share my experience of hearing God’s Word in Mass last weekend,
explore what I believe the Lord is calling me to do about that Word, and
ask how this Word might impact your life, as well.

___

Two Sundays ago, it was great to be back in church! The prior couple of weeks, I stayed home from Mass, first because I was sick, and the next week because the kids were sick. Oftentimes, my Word for the Week comes from the first reading or the psalm, but this one was from the Gospel.

The verse that stood out to me used to be my “go-to” scripture passage, in my teens. It’s one that inspired my first recorded album, and I used to share this message with youth groups and churches across West Michigan when I first began my music ministry:

“You are the light of the world... your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father." -Matthew 5:14,16

When I asked the Lord about this word, I didn’t hear anything specific. But several things happened to help me realize that the Lord was asking me to be still.

First, David and I turned down an exciting concert event, because it was three weeks before the end of my sabbatical.

Secondly, I told my friend Paul that I feel like I'm in a perpetual “Holy Saturday” moment right now. He told me about an episode of the Bible Project podcast that applied to what I shared.

Namely, there’s this story in the Bible where the Isrealites have successfully left Egypt, and they come to the edge of the Red Sea. But then Pharaoh changes his mind and chases after them with chariots and warriors. So we see the Chosen People, with the sea on one side and God’s presence as a “pillar of fire” between them and Pharaoh. 

Moses tells the people, "The LORD will fight for you; you have only to keep still.” -Exodus 14:14

Paul shared, as he has heard on the podcast, how there was no way out. It’s not like there was a hidden path that a spy found to walk through. Rather, in a foreshadowing of the Resurrection, God made a way where there was no way.

These reflections stayed with me during the week. Then, on Friday night, I met with my women’s small group to discuss theology.

Every time we meet, we choose one word to sum up the message of our meeting. This time, the word was, “Be.” One of the discussion questions was, “Do you struggle with being versus doing?”

I found myself realizing that in this season, it’s not a struggle for me to simply be. And instead of writing the word on the white board like we normally do at the end of our meetings, I drew a picture of a bee, instead. Because it's fun!

In closing, I’ll share part of the song of victory that Miriam, Moses’ cousin, sang when God made a way out of this desperate situation for the Chosen People. He parted the Red Sea so they could walk through and then he closed the waters over their enemies.

"Sing to the LORD, for he is gloriously triumphant; horse and chariot he has cast into the sea." -Exodus 14:21

I’m not precisely sure what all of this has to do with being a light to the world. But I think the message that I can leave with you, is that sometimes in order to shine God’s light, we need only be.

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Special thanks to VIP Patrons:

Dick Safranski
Jordan Mendez
Julian Padilla
Jessica Cook
Kate Hicks
Deacon Tim & Lily Roberto
Carrie Brzezinski
Elizabeth Herberg

To become an Amanda Vernon Patron and receive a “New Music Every Month,” signup at amandavernon.com/patron.